There are times where I feel like I'm a horrible human being. That I need to be told off for being so selfish. Is it normal for me to feel somewhat sad and upset when I hear other people's good news? Does that make me a bad person? Does that say something about me? Am I a bad friend?
The past few months have been such good months for my friends and relatives and I'm truly happy for them. But there's a part of me, a constant voice inside my head telling me "well look at that? They got it before you did! Isn't that funny?" The good news that have been happening are all the things I've been hoping for myself. It feels like the universe is rubbing it in my face and saying "how long will you last till you finally crack?!"
I feel petty, and I don't want to feel this way! I hate it! It's a pathetic feeling; its a horrid feeling! It's disgusting that a part of me doesn't rejoice fully to all the good in their lives! Their happiness should be MY happiness. But why doesn't it feel that way? Why do I feel like I've been left stranded at an empty street as it rains heavily?
It all seems bittersweet to me; be happy for them and a little sad for myself. I believe that God gives you what's best for you and all in due time. My time has not come, its all a matter of when. But there will always be a voice in my head telling me "you're prepared, so why isn't it happening?" Yes, I may feel like I'm ready for what I want, but God will always know if I'm truly ready.
Its all a test; testing my patience. And maybe all this wait will make those good moments so worth the wait. It will always be easy to say that you believe in "all good things happen to those who wait"; but saying and actually believing are two different things.
The past few months have been such good months for my friends and relatives and I'm truly happy for them. But there's a part of me, a constant voice inside my head telling me "well look at that? They got it before you did! Isn't that funny?" The good news that have been happening are all the things I've been hoping for myself. It feels like the universe is rubbing it in my face and saying "how long will you last till you finally crack?!"
I feel petty, and I don't want to feel this way! I hate it! It's a pathetic feeling; its a horrid feeling! It's disgusting that a part of me doesn't rejoice fully to all the good in their lives! Their happiness should be MY happiness. But why doesn't it feel that way? Why do I feel like I've been left stranded at an empty street as it rains heavily?
It all seems bittersweet to me; be happy for them and a little sad for myself. I believe that God gives you what's best for you and all in due time. My time has not come, its all a matter of when. But there will always be a voice in my head telling me "you're prepared, so why isn't it happening?" Yes, I may feel like I'm ready for what I want, but God will always know if I'm truly ready.
Its all a test; testing my patience. And maybe all this wait will make those good moments so worth the wait. It will always be easy to say that you believe in "all good things happen to those who wait"; but saying and actually believing are two different things.
