The Lookalikes in the Hospital

You know when you see a face, and you know they look exactly like someone you know or someone famous?

I have seen two faces like that in the hospital. I literally have to stop and stare at how FREAKISHLY similar they are to the people in my mind. Mind you, both lookalikes resemble creepy people. I think I stare out of sheer fear...heh heh heh...

Lookalike #1:
We're posted in the Pediatric ward right now, and in every morning report there's a doctor that's always sitting right across us. The way he stares at the girls is just down right disgusting. I can't walk past him without feeling like I've been stripped out of my clothes with his eyes *YUCK*...
If you were a dork and watched Heroes, then you'd definitely remember Sylar. The bad dude that killed people by cutting open their heads and stealing their abilities from their brains? Yeaaaaah, remember him? Lookalike #1 looks JUST like him and he stares at us JUST like Sylar does! 

That's the face! That's the look we get EVERY DAY! *shudders*

Every time I see his face, or see him looking my way; I walk the other way fearing for my life. All I can think of is: how in God's name is he a pediatrician?? I mean, isn't it creepy for children to have him look at them with that look?!?! *shudders*

Lookalike #2:
Back in my previous posting, we were in the Medical ward. There were two new training doctors with us. They seemed nice enough; decent, helpful lads. Until they smiled...lord almighty their smiles! HAHAHA! No no, don't get me wrong, they weren't attractive smiles; no they were creepy yet funny smiles. Being the anime fan that I am, their smiles reminded me of the Titans from Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan). All that was missing was the look of hunger and them running like weirdos to fit the description...HAHAHAHA! They literally looked like this: 

Cuz looking at this isn't CREEPY at all?!

They walked around the wards with that HUGE smile in their face! I'm all for smiling; I'm a smiler myself...but I mean, some smiles are just too creepy; with a lot of hidden meanings behind them. Tell me that isn't scary...I mean really, just imagine it!

Let's see as I move from ward to ward what lookalikes I'll find. I've found 2 so far, 3 more to go! Yes, I realize I sound like a weirdo judgey person; but I see what I see, and I correlate. Plus, it keeps me interested. Keeps the hospital somewhat entertaining..and funny for that matter! Who knows, maybe someone looks at me and thinks I resemble someone; and maybe, just MAYBE, someone thinks I look creepy or scary...I doubt it, I mean I'm too cute! (with a whack-job hidden inside my brain)...but again, who knows? 

Keep a look out for lookalikes around you; you'll have a great laugh! *sadly, at the expense of other people* #MyBad xD

Adios peeps!

P.S. I know that titan face looks creepy, please try to erase it from your mind so you can go to bed in peace. 

Blessed: A Word We Often Forget

We forget sometimes to sit back and count our blessings. We take the simple things we have for granted and never realize how lucky we are for having what we have. One thing I know I am truly blessed with was being able to find the most amazing group of friends in this crazy, mad, and insane place we call medschool. I was fortunate enough to meet people that like what I like; that understand me; that feel like family; friends that make me feel at home, no matter how far away I was from my own family. But because of medschool, we've all been scattered around different years and campuses. Even with that I've managed to make life-long friends; ones that crossed the line of friendship and have become family. I spent some of the best few days in a looooong time this weekend. I decided to visit my friends, and I must say...they brought a smile to my face and made me laugh so hard I had tears; something that I haven't done in a while. 

There's not much I want to say, just that my soul is content. Words wouldn't be enough to describe how happy they made me feel. I can not put into words the amount of joy they bring into my life; I may not say it enough to them, but they are the source of my happiness when all things seem like they are so close to crumbling...

..Talk about a sappy post!!! Jeeeeeeez! How about we end it now, before I regret being such a GIRL! But, honestly...if there are people out there that make you feel like you are so blessed to even have met them, HOLD ON TO THEM! You only meet people like that once in a lifetime, do not let go and make sure you make the effort. You don't want to spend your days regretting the silly things you could have avoided. 

Now I shut up.... 
Ciao beautiful people =)

Survival of the Inner Beast

We all have that inner beast within us. The one that lashes out when needed. The dark creature that lurks within the covert corridors of our brain; whispering sinful deeds for us to act out or just implanting devious ideas within our souls...

...all of that sounds dark and ominous but in truth all of that is what I see on a daily basis in medschool. Ever since we started our clinical year, everyone wants to shine; everyone wants to mark their presence. Mind you, I have nothing against that. You need to do whatever you can to stand out; that's the way it works in medschool. It's a competition like no other; grueling mental assault against one another; stepping on people to get where you want to get. It's the survival of the fittest; but in our case it's the "Survival of the Inner Beast". 

I have never seen people hate on each other, work to make someone look bad, or even just stepping on someone's shining moment just to be praised and acknowledged. I do agree that you have to compete in medschool, it's how it is. But there are ways to go about it; there are honorable ways to compete (yes, I totally had a Japanese principle of life moment...deal with it). There are ways better than making someone look bad. How about you just work on being really good, without bringing someone down? Why break people, when medicine is already doing that for you?! It's cruel and inhumane.

It's a harsh world we live in, and it saddens me to see that future doctors act this way towards their classmates and colleagues. It says a lot about the kind of person you are, and the kind of doctor you want to be. 90% of being a good doctor, is being kind, compassionate and understanding towards people's feelings. The best doctors are the ones that make you feel safe and good; not necessarily the ones with the most knowledge. 

I have seen girls cast away a girl for being smart and somewhat of a teacher's pet. I have seen girls talk horribly about a guy that just didn't know how to handle a child; and I have seen people make snide remarks at people's mishaps. And there I stand, just watching people's true nature unfold before my very own eyes. I stand there listening to what they say and I draw myself far away from all the negativity. I make sure I do not get sucked into their vortex of backstabbing and insensitivity. 

To be honest, what I'm doing; the ability to shut people out..that's the survival of the inner beast. Not the ones that bring others down; but the one that knows how to fight back with a calm mind. I hope people remember that karma is a BITCH. What you do to others, will be done to you. Better watch your backs...

Inner Beast!

Gaara!

This is a continuation of my last post. I was so heartbroken with Gaara being dead; I was sulking for days! Then the show listened to me and brought me Gaara back <3 So let's take a look at some pictures of that beautiful episode where my soul got a warm fuzzy feeling. 

This part was my all time favorite <3

This part made me so happy I broke into a fit of tears

The look of surprise on his face...awww Gaara, everyone wanted you back <3

Now that I got this out of my system, I may rest in peace! Although, if this is only going to get worse...beware, you'll be reading a lot of Naruto posts.

I'm off, I gotta sit my gluteus maximus down and get some studying done! Apparently, I've got an end rotation next week *gulp*

Dweeb Alert: Gaara can't be gone!

I'm a dweeb at heart. No matter how old I get, I'll continue being the dweeb and dork that I truly am. It's part of my SOUL, imbedded within every fiber of my being. Every cell, molecule and all that crap...it's written "DWEEB". Back in my teenage years, I used to be a major anime fan. Used to watch it for hours on end. Highschool came, and I moved back home from the States and I sorta just stopped watching altogether. Until recently...

I started watching Naruto (took me long enough right?!) and I'm in the first few episodes of Shippuden. I'm all psyched about this because everyone is saying A LOT of stuff happens. We understand this whole Jinchuuriki story...basically, it's just getting epic! The first plot line of the show is Gaara bein kidnapped. Keep in mind that even in Naruto when Gaara was disliked by most people, I loved him! Something about him then was so sad and it just tugged at my heart. Same as Naruto; but with Gaara, it was because he was evil trying to figure out why he does what he does. He has a special place in my heart. But then, he was kidnapped and my gut was telling me something bad is going to happen. I kept praying, please no no no no no! Not Gaara </3

My gut feeling was right; something bad happened to Gaara. They started extracting the Bijuu from him and I was hoping Naruto and the gang would get there in time to save him. They were too late...

</3 :'(

No one understands how much that killed me. I stopped there in the episode and just stared. Endlessly. I'm hoping that something happens and they bring him back. I mean...its Gaara. This is just so cruel. I can't get over this scene; GAARA!! My sister tells me that this is nothing; that crazier and more heart wrenching scenes are coming up and all I can think of is: how will I survive?! With me, anime characters are like book characters. They have a special place in my heart. People may find it weird; but I fall in love with my fictional characters, I get happy when good things happen to them and I mourn when something awful happens, as much as I would for people.

And with that I'll stop. Staring at that picture hurts my soul in ways I can't describe *sigh*

The Inevitable

Yesterday was a gloomy day. It felt like it was one hit after the other. I never knew what it'd be like to lose a patient. It's only the beginning of our clinical years and I already felt like a zombie walking around the wards. 

2 days ago, a friend of mine and I took on a case of an 80 year old man who was admitted with acute MI. He seemed like he was stable when we saw him; he was talking to us normally giving us his history. His grandson (who is in his early 20s) was with him all the time, providing us with any extra information he has and taking care of his grandfather. The grandson was the one complaining about his grandfather losing his appetite. He made sure to feed him from time to time and it was the cutest sight ever. We did our part, presented our case and all seemed normal.

And then yesterday happened. After the morning report we started the rounds; we went from bed to bed in the male ward. We came to the last few beds, and there was our patient; pale and pulseless. The doctor calls out his name, shakes him to respond; nothing. Suddenly everyone was running around; CPR, defibrillator, CPR; nothing. My friend turns to me, eyes wide open, hands covering her mouth, in shock, whispering "It's him! Its our patient!" And all we could do was watch as the doctors tried to bring him back. But there was no use, nothing seemed to work and all I could think of was "Oh lord, where's his grandson?!" I looked around frantically trying to see if he was anywhere near by; not sure what I wanted to tell him. Is it better he stays away, not witnessing this horrible sight? Or is it better he's here, knowing what's going on rather than coming back to see that his grandfather had just passed? There was no better option, there never is. 

He eventually came back, right after the doctors called it. The look on his face; my God, I couldn't bear it. I couldn't stand there to see his eyes widen and look around frantically; pleading with his eyes that it isn't true. With our heads down, we walked away; leaving him with the doctor in charge, explaining what happened. We see him rush to his grandfather's bedside, calling out to him, shaking him; trying to wake him up. After a few minutes he stopped, put his head down on his grandfather's chest and cried. All we heard as we were walking out was the sobbing and him repeating "no no no no."

I couldn't bear it; I couldn't look his way, because had I done so, I'd have made things worse with my eyes filled with tears. All that was going through my mind was "How can I do this on a regular basis? How can I face it?" I don't know if it ever gets better; not even sure whether it's ok for a doctor not to feel SOMETHING when a patient passes away...

The day didn't get better, it went downhill from there. 2 other patients passed away. Only hours from each other. The ward was down and depressed all day. We were all off; it was just too much for one morning. One of the interns walked off saying "This was a bad day, just a bad day. Nothing went right..."

Same day, at around 4:30 PM we heard of a horrible car accident. A car went off the side of the road on the mountain side, 5 young guys inside. 2 passed away on the spot, 3 were rushed to the ER. That same night, 1 of the 3 passed away. The remaining 2 are still in critical condition... 

...God give the families of those who lost loved ones the patience to stay strong, the courage to pull through and the faith in knowing that we all have our time to leave this world. Amen.

A Desperate Plea

This is a desperate plea to my brain to hang in there; to stay strong and vigilant, and to not collapse under pressure. There comes a point in our lives where our brains just shut down. Normally, even when you think you're not "thinking", there are a billion little minions (yes, I'm referring to the epic Despicable Me minions) running around in your head. There's always that feeling that there is some form of "noise" inside your head. It's not the annoying kind, its the kind where you know your brain is active.

But then there are days when the "noise" is completely nonexistent. Well, that day has arrived. The little adorable minions in my head have reached their saturation level. Information to my little minions is like ice cream to them - for those of you who got this reference, let me just take a minute to acknowledge your awesomeness. You're a Despicable Me fan, and for that, you are one hella of a fella! And for those of you who don't get it, tsk tsk tsk. That's all I have to say to you; tsk tsk tsk - so basically, my brain has had too much ice cream.

Story of my life!

So brain, I am begging you to stay alive and noisy. I've got a couple more topics to cover in a short amount of time, and somehow manage to fall asleep to give YOU the ability to think and answer during the exam. Let's do this together; let's help one another; let me be the Ron to your Harry (or Harry to your Hermione, or Ron to your Hermione?...Aaaah, they all kinda work!) and overcome this hassle of a midterm tomorrow. How does that sound? Sounds good right? Showing that midterm who's boss?

And yes readers, it's very normal for people to talk to their brains. It's totally ok and ordinary; don't judge me, I've got an exam tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

P.S. My brain could only muster writing that for now. 

What to say...?

I've always been intrigued by the idea of a blog, and I thought it would be the best outlet for me to just blab and let loose. I finally decided to start one, designed it, found the best name for it, planned out the fonts and all the itty bitty details; and then I just stared at this white blank page for ages (keep in mind this decision was made almost 3 months ago)

Today I've decided to finally sit my ass down and start writing. 

Hmmm, how do I start? Well first and foremost, I'll be talking a lot about being in medschool. It's a huge part of my life, and the one thing that pushed me over the edge into my abyss of insanity. Mind you, I'm not complaining. I like my insanity. I mean cmon, have you ever met a "sane" doctor?...

...Yeeeeeah, me neither.

I'd also like to point out that I come from a somewhat traditional and conservative society. Luckily for me, I lived abroad for almost 8 years of my life. When I came back, my oh my talk about culture shock! It was mostly this whole concept of "3aib", a common word used in the Middle East to explain something as "unacceptable" or "shameful". I hated the word, and still do! It's because of this idea they have of accepting something to be 3aib for no good reason. No logical basis, no religious basis, just a word used to describe what society deems right. I don't like to judge others, so of course I'd hate to be judged based on silly reasonings. 

With that said, let me make one thing clear; I have a crazy amount of pride in being Arab. I do not hate what we stand for, and I honestly believe that people have judged us based on misconceptions. We are a strong, opinionated and proud bunch people; features I like to strut around. With all our flaws, craziness and irrationality; all those years abroad, I always longed to come back. Home will always be home, no matter how crazy it is. 

So...now I can finally say I posted something, and hopefully this is only the beginning of many ramblings to come. So beware people! When I start, I doubt I'd want to stop.

Till next time! Adios!