Gaara!

This is a continuation of my last post. I was so heartbroken with Gaara being dead; I was sulking for days! Then the show listened to me and brought me Gaara back <3 So let's take a look at some pictures of that beautiful episode where my soul got a warm fuzzy feeling. 

This part was my all time favorite <3

This part made me so happy I broke into a fit of tears

The look of surprise on his face...awww Gaara, everyone wanted you back <3

Now that I got this out of my system, I may rest in peace! Although, if this is only going to get worse...beware, you'll be reading a lot of Naruto posts.

I'm off, I gotta sit my gluteus maximus down and get some studying done! Apparently, I've got an end rotation next week *gulp*

Dweeb Alert: Gaara can't be gone!

I'm a dweeb at heart. No matter how old I get, I'll continue being the dweeb and dork that I truly am. It's part of my SOUL, imbedded within every fiber of my being. Every cell, molecule and all that crap...it's written "DWEEB". Back in my teenage years, I used to be a major anime fan. Used to watch it for hours on end. Highschool came, and I moved back home from the States and I sorta just stopped watching altogether. Until recently...

I started watching Naruto (took me long enough right?!) and I'm in the first few episodes of Shippuden. I'm all psyched about this because everyone is saying A LOT of stuff happens. We understand this whole Jinchuuriki story...basically, it's just getting epic! The first plot line of the show is Gaara bein kidnapped. Keep in mind that even in Naruto when Gaara was disliked by most people, I loved him! Something about him then was so sad and it just tugged at my heart. Same as Naruto; but with Gaara, it was because he was evil trying to figure out why he does what he does. He has a special place in my heart. But then, he was kidnapped and my gut was telling me something bad is going to happen. I kept praying, please no no no no no! Not Gaara </3

My gut feeling was right; something bad happened to Gaara. They started extracting the Bijuu from him and I was hoping Naruto and the gang would get there in time to save him. They were too late...

</3 :'(

No one understands how much that killed me. I stopped there in the episode and just stared. Endlessly. I'm hoping that something happens and they bring him back. I mean...its Gaara. This is just so cruel. I can't get over this scene; GAARA!! My sister tells me that this is nothing; that crazier and more heart wrenching scenes are coming up and all I can think of is: how will I survive?! With me, anime characters are like book characters. They have a special place in my heart. People may find it weird; but I fall in love with my fictional characters, I get happy when good things happen to them and I mourn when something awful happens, as much as I would for people.

And with that I'll stop. Staring at that picture hurts my soul in ways I can't describe *sigh*

The Inevitable

Yesterday was a gloomy day. It felt like it was one hit after the other. I never knew what it'd be like to lose a patient. It's only the beginning of our clinical years and I already felt like a zombie walking around the wards. 

2 days ago, a friend of mine and I took on a case of an 80 year old man who was admitted with acute MI. He seemed like he was stable when we saw him; he was talking to us normally giving us his history. His grandson (who is in his early 20s) was with him all the time, providing us with any extra information he has and taking care of his grandfather. The grandson was the one complaining about his grandfather losing his appetite. He made sure to feed him from time to time and it was the cutest sight ever. We did our part, presented our case and all seemed normal.

And then yesterday happened. After the morning report we started the rounds; we went from bed to bed in the male ward. We came to the last few beds, and there was our patient; pale and pulseless. The doctor calls out his name, shakes him to respond; nothing. Suddenly everyone was running around; CPR, defibrillator, CPR; nothing. My friend turns to me, eyes wide open, hands covering her mouth, in shock, whispering "It's him! Its our patient!" And all we could do was watch as the doctors tried to bring him back. But there was no use, nothing seemed to work and all I could think of was "Oh lord, where's his grandson?!" I looked around frantically trying to see if he was anywhere near by; not sure what I wanted to tell him. Is it better he stays away, not witnessing this horrible sight? Or is it better he's here, knowing what's going on rather than coming back to see that his grandfather had just passed? There was no better option, there never is. 

He eventually came back, right after the doctors called it. The look on his face; my God, I couldn't bear it. I couldn't stand there to see his eyes widen and look around frantically; pleading with his eyes that it isn't true. With our heads down, we walked away; leaving him with the doctor in charge, explaining what happened. We see him rush to his grandfather's bedside, calling out to him, shaking him; trying to wake him up. After a few minutes he stopped, put his head down on his grandfather's chest and cried. All we heard as we were walking out was the sobbing and him repeating "no no no no."

I couldn't bear it; I couldn't look his way, because had I done so, I'd have made things worse with my eyes filled with tears. All that was going through my mind was "How can I do this on a regular basis? How can I face it?" I don't know if it ever gets better; not even sure whether it's ok for a doctor not to feel SOMETHING when a patient passes away...

The day didn't get better, it went downhill from there. 2 other patients passed away. Only hours from each other. The ward was down and depressed all day. We were all off; it was just too much for one morning. One of the interns walked off saying "This was a bad day, just a bad day. Nothing went right..."

Same day, at around 4:30 PM we heard of a horrible car accident. A car went off the side of the road on the mountain side, 5 young guys inside. 2 passed away on the spot, 3 were rushed to the ER. That same night, 1 of the 3 passed away. The remaining 2 are still in critical condition... 

...God give the families of those who lost loved ones the patience to stay strong, the courage to pull through and the faith in knowing that we all have our time to leave this world. Amen.